


When You Catch Fire

by sparkinside



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 06:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2802182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinside/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can only push someone so far before everything falls apart. Written with Chaosti.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Catch Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.

The air was unseasonably warm for this time of year, but he paid it little mind, walking on ahead into the dead of night. He hadn't taken much with him, he'd left the hotel in too much of a hurry to grab anything more than his wallet and the jean jacket he had left laying out on the bed. 

Thinking back, he wished he'd grabbed more. There were things he'd left he knew he could never replace. But that didn't matter much now. He wasn't going back. He had no need to. He had no place there anymore.

He was a fool of the worst kind. He should have known, he should have seen it coming. They all had. They'd warned him. Begged him to listen to them. To see reason. But he refused. He hadn't wanted to believe it. He'd TRUSTED him. Well he knew better now. He never should have trusted him. Never should have cared.

* * *

He had walked out? That was insane, impossible, unbelievable! Davey looked around the messy room, clothes scattered on the hideous brown carpeting. What immediately caught his eye was the guitar case to the side of the far bed. He slowly walked to it, afraid of what he would find, or worse what he wouldn't. He reached out a shaking hand to undo the clasps but stopped himself. There was no way he would be able to handle what this one thing would reveal.

Still, it was his fault wasn't it? His arrogance had finally gotten the better of him. With a glare to the floor he kicked out at the Prince shirt that lay ruffled. He couldn't be completely responsible! He hadn't told him to leave. He sat on the unmade bed, knees together as he thought it all out. Of course it was his fault, he drove him away. He toyed with him. This is what he deserved.

Gulping back tears, Davey stood looking out the balcony window of the hotel room. Maybe he was still out there? Possibly if he looked hard enough there would be the faint shadow of his friend walking away. He could run to him and apologize! It would all be better. That's how it worked out in movies and fairy tales. It should work that way for touring bands as well.

* * *

He had no idea where he was going. And at this point he didn't much care as long as he got away. He'd find a bus station or a cab soon enough, he figured. From there he could make his way back home. What he would do when he got there he hadn't a clue. He would find work somewhere. Be it with another band or the local Stop N Shop, it didn't much matter. He'd find a way to handle this. A way to carry on.

He didn't need the band. He didn't need him. Didn't need Davey. He was so stupid to think he had. He'd based his whole life, his dream on this one man and it had all be a vicious lie. They were probably all laughing at him now. Laughing at just how truly pathetic he'd become. And maybe they were right. 

 

He'd given him everything. All of himself. Whatever he wanted. Why wasn't it enough? It should have been enough. He was just as pathetic as they believed him to be. But not anymore. He was done. He didn't need them. Didn't need anyone. He wouldn't make that mistake again. He couldn't afford to.

* * *

Davey paced around the room impatiently. Why wasn't he barging back through that door right this moment? Where was the goofy laughter that normally filled the room and made it light up? The singer stopped pacing and looked at the door as his thoughts all rushed to the front of his mind. He missed him already and he hadn't been gone for more than a day. He felt guilty and so terribly alone. Over Hunter? No! This couldn't be true. 

"Oh god," he whispered, hand running through his hair thoughtlessly. He had fallen. For the one man he had never believed he could feel more than a twisted compassion for, he had tripped and fallen deep in love with him. 

Love? No, that was unthinkable for him. Davey fucking Havok did not fall in love. People fell in love with him, people worshipped him! Yet here he was, yearning for nothing more than a smile from the bassist he had taken for granted. He turned once more to take in the garish hotel room. There wasn't much left except for the strewn clothing and the guitar case. He had to know if this was permanent. 

Taking a deep breath he once more walked to the guitar case, kneeling down beside it. If it was empty it would mean that there was no turning back. Carefully he unlocked the first latch, then the second. With one shaking breath he lifted the top of the case up. He settled back on the floor, eyes filling up with tears. The bass was still there, but along with it was a plain white sheet of paper with one word on it. 

_Goodbye_

* * *

The wind had begun to pick up as the hours slowly dragged by. He tightened his thin jacket around himself, a desperate attempt to keep warm. But it did little good. The wind bit mercilessly at him. With a sigh, he realized he couldn't stay out here much longer. 

If he had been thinking earlier, he'd have grabbed his phone. At least then he could have called information for the nearest motel or bus station. But it was too late to think on that now, he was stuck. 

Anger boiled through him. Why the fuck hadn't he thought to bring his phone? For the matter, why the fuck hadn't he just lifted the keys to the rental car Smith had gotten for this leg of the tour. Then at least he'd have heat. 

 

The longer he walked, the angrier he became. This had been a stupid, stupid idea. He should have just called a cab from the hotel, gone straight to the airport. He would have been halfway home by now.

"Fuck!" he screamed into the night, flipping off the trees overhead and kicking at the stones along the road.

* * *

Davey started putting on the closest pair of shoes he could find. As he was tying up the laces he noticed that they were a bit big on him. Frowning, he took a closer look and realized they were a pair of Hunter's shoes. The pair of converse that he had worn when they had gone out for ice cream the night before. For a moment Davey entertained the idea of burning them, but he couldn't. He knew he could never ruin something that was Hunter's. Instead he tied them extra tight. 

The idea occurred to Davey that he should try calling Hunter's cell phone. Proud of himself for having thought of something actually intelligent, he pulled his own phone out of the pocket of his tight black jeans. He went to press on the speed dial but remembered that Hunter wasn't on it. What the hell was wrong with him? How could he not have Hunter's number programmed into the speed dial? 

Grumbling incoherent curses he dialed in the number. When he saw the time recorder go on, indicating that the call was being made, he pressed the phone against his ear. It rang once and simultaneously through out the room the catchy tune of Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" blasted. Davey shifted his gaze to the night stand where Hunter's white razor phone was vibrating along the polished top. 

Growling Davey clicked the off button. Hunter had left his cell phone here? Stepping closer he realized there was only the one. Hunter had two cell phones though! Maybe there was hope yet. He could call the second line and Wait. No, he couldn't call the second line. Hunter had never given him that number because he said that cell was used only for business. 

The singer dropped to the ground, slumping against one of the two mattresses in the room. He should have known what the second number was. He gazed at the ceiling, eyes fogging once more with tears. Damn it! Why was he crying so much? He wiped furiously at the tell tale signs of the tears burning in his eyes. This wasn't a bad thing. Hunter had every right to take off during the middle of a fucking tour. Davey snorted with contempt. What were they going to do without him? Hell, what was he going to do without him? 

Hunter's phone started ringing again and Davey jumped up. Maybe, just maybe, it was Hunter calling. Possibly he had misplaced his phone and wasn't actually gone. Davey picked the phone up and looked at the number, eyes wide with hope. His wishes were shattered as Adam's familiar phone number appeared. 

 

The singer scowled. Adam was one of the people behind this! Adam had been spewing poisoned words to Hunter, turning the bassist against him. Growling, Davey chucked the cell phone as hard as he could at the wall. 

For minutes afterward he felt an immense sense of glee. Then realized that he had broken his friend's phone. He was turning into an asshole. No, that was a lie. He already was an asshole. There was no escaping that fact. He was a grade A asshole who should be pushed off the earth for what he had put Hunter through. He looked up at the ceiling once more. Why couldn't he be telepathic and be able to say sorry to Hunter through his mind?

* * *

His feet throbbed, but still he kept walking. The pain pushed him onward. The pain was worth it. With each step he took, he knew he was farther from Davey. Farther from all of them. They didn't need him. He could be easily replaced. The band had gone through line up changes before, what was one more?

His eyes lingered farther down the road, falling on a familiar glowing blue and white light. A phone booth. And along with that he could see the faint lights of a motel sign. _Thank God._ He could get a room, crash for the night then see about arranging a flight back to Oakland in the morning. The very idea of a warm bed brought a soft smile to his face. Even if he didn't manage to sleep, he could at least rest for a bit. 

Twenty minutes later, he found himself key in hand in front of room 327. The man behind the desk told him he was lucky that they had a room open this late at night. The motel was a popular stop for tourists passing through the state. He'd nodded at the man, taking his key and shoving his credit card back into his wallet.

For a crowded motel, he noted, it certainly seemed quiet. But then again, not many people were up and about at 3:45 in the morning. He sighed, odd hours barely phased him anymore. It was hard to remember that not everyone shared the same schedule he had when on the road. 

The room was small, white paint covering the walls along with various pieces of tacky artwork. The furniture was sparse, a mirror across from the double bed with a small table and lamp to its right. Certainly not as cozy as he'd hoped, but he'd slept in far worse and at this hour, he was hard pressed to care. 

Listlessly, he toed off his shoes, collapsing on the bed. It was softer than he one he'd slept in the night before, which surprised him somewhat. But it didn't matter now. Closing his eyes, he hoped that the sheer exhaustion slowly overtaking his system would claim him long before his thoughts did.

* * *

Davey stood, walking to the door. He couldn't sit here and do nothing. He had to go out and search for Hunter! What if he got hurt or lost? Or worse...No, Hunter was street smart. Still, you could never predict what might happen. Stopping for just a second to grab a hoodie, Davey made his way purposefully out the door of the hotel. 

He checked the watch on his wrist. 3:52 a.m. At least he wasn't tired yet. He might actually get something done. First and foremost came to, where would Hunter be this time of night? He had left his main cell, he had left his bass, and there were random clothes lying about. That meant he had been rushing, or at least that's what Davey assumed. If he was rushing maybe he had forgotten his wallet? No, Hunter practically had that thing attached to his pants. A flight would have been possible, but at this time of night there probably weren't many flights going in and out of the nearest airport.

Which led to the most important question: Where was he going? Home was the immediate option but Hunter was smart. He would probably know that they'd all go looking for him there. Davey sighed as he walked down the corridor of the hotel, boarded the elevator, then got off in the lobby. It wouldn't be easy to find the bassist. He had friends everywhere across the world. For all he knew, Hunter could be on a flight to Egypt. 

He made his way out into the hotel parking lot. The wind was starting to blow fitfully across the landscape and he patted his hair with one hand to keep it down. Where to from here? He was in a deserted parking lot, two and a half hours from sunrise, and his bassist had gone missing. 

What did cops normally start doing when they were looking for some one? They went to friends: out of the question there. They looked at local haunts. Davey scanned the lot devoid of human life and shook his head. They weren't in familiar territory. So the next best option was an airport, a bus station, or a train station. 

Not at all pleased by his task, Davey lifted his hood up over his head and began walking into the night. He had a purpose but God knows he didn't have half an idea where any of the transportation buildings were. Maybe a cab would be wise? He checked his pockets. Of course, he had forgotten his wallet. Biting back a groan of displeasure, he continued moving swiftly onto the sidewalk. If he couldn't have a cab or car to find where he was going then so be it. At least when, or if, he found Hunter the man would know that he had given of himself in his search.

* * *

He tossed and turned for several hours, his mind unable to focus on anything over then the train wreck of a turn his life had taken. He should have known better. He should have seen it coming. If he had bothered to look he would have. If he'd listened, if he'd thought, none of this would have happened. This was just like Heather. He should have known. Why the hell didn't he know?

A frustrated sigh fell from his lips. Rolling to his side, he pushed himself up. Different tune to the same fucking song. Rubbing his eyes with his hands, he glanced down at his watch. A little after five in the morning. Belatedly, he wondered if there would be anyone at the office at this hour. All he wanted was to make his way home, lock himself in his apartment for a few days. Get his bearings back.

* * *

Davey wandered the brightening streets for what seemed like days. His steps became more sluggish as the sun rode further up the horizon. Where was he? He wanted his Hunter. Yes, his Hunter. In his tired state the possessive term made perfect sense to him. He had been the one to listen to every deep, dark secret the bald man harbored. He had been the one to keep him from going insane. He had been the one that fell in love. 

What did he have to show for it? Dingy alleyways, pavement being filled with cars and tired motorists, and blood shot eyes from the wearying search. For the hours he had been searching through the city he had screamed Hunter's name as loud as he could. Personally, he had thought that people in China would be able to hear. His heart broke each time he called and Hunter didn't reply. He had become so used to Hunter being at his beckoned call. As he trudged on in vain, he was horribly aware of the fact that he was spoiled rotten. 

"Hunter! Please, answer me! Even if it's to scream a big 'fuck you' as long as you talk to me," Davey shrieked, his last resolve crumbling away. He sat down on the sidewalk in front of what looked like a rather rundown motel. Maybe he could get a room? No, he had forgotten his wallet. So like him to be disorganized. Hunter always helped keep him on track. He laid on his side on the concrete slab of sidewalk, eyes blearily staring out onto the street. His only wish was for Hunter to be back. 

His eyes drifted closed, his sleep deprived mind imagining different apology scenarios with Hunter. He'd run to the bus stop or the airport or the train station right as Hunter's flight/bus/train was leaving. They would notice each other, and he would cry out with a love filled shout. Hunter would drop his bags and they'd run to each other. Possibly collide, merely for entertainment in Davey's mind, but the kiss they would share would be magical. With a sigh he fell into a fitful, and rather grungy, slumber.

* * *

He handed in his keys, not bothering to do more than glance at the man sitting behind the counter. He was calmer, yes, but no less confused and angry. He'd let Davey make a fool of him. Let them all make a fool of him. But it didn't matter now. He was done with all of it. Better to run now then regret staying later. It was just a band, there would be others. That excuse sounded weak even to his own mind. 

The faint chirping of crickets filled the otherwise silent pre-dawn. He'd called a cab from his room, arranging to be taken directly to the airport. From there he'd arranged a flight back to Oakland. The seats were lousy, but at that point he honestly didn't care. As long as he made it back home, that really didn't matter. 

 

Idly, he found himself twiddling his fingers as he waited, slowly rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. The soft light flooding from the office window created elongated shadows on the tattered parking lot. One shadow in particular caught his eye. Uncertainly, he moved towards the shadow, both curious and alarmed. There was something oddly familiar about it. Something filling him with dread.

* * *

Davey shifted enough that his hair, which had been shielding his eyes, fell back to allow the sun it's rightful place of glowing through his eyelids. A soft hiss was dispelled as his eyes fluttered open to be greeted by the bright blue of the sky, a cluster of grey clouds, and the glaring sun which he was finding more and more reasons to hate. What time was it? He shuffled on the cement and pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"You've got to be kidding me," he mumbled, staring across the street to see a sunshine highlighted church, a broad sign proclaiming "All welcome," taunting him. He scowled up at the sky, sending a mental "fuck you," to God for his mocking. He shouldn't feel guilty for seeing a church, especially not a Catholic church where they have confessionals. Confessionals where you admit your sins...against others and against God.

Shaking his head and pushing out the breath he had been holding in due to frustration, he knelt on the cement and took in his other surroundings. Obviously the dingy motel was behind him so he wasn't all that concerned to pay attention to it. The span of the street had small family owned shops mingling with the major corporations. His oncoming headache was soothed by the sight of a Starbucks. Seeing no use in kneeling like an idiot on the cement, Davey stood his arms reaching up towards the sky as he stretched. He winced when he heard his back crack but let out a small moan from the sensation.

* * *

This didn't make any sense. Why would he be there? How did he find him? Anger coiled low in his stomach once more. He was here to mock him. To rub it in. Why couldn't he just leave him alone. _Damn you Havok. Damn you_.

Hands curling tightly into fists, his nails digging into the soft flesh of his palm, he stood, watching the man a few hundred feet before him. He didn't know what to do. What to say. If he had thought, he would have ran. Headed back into the main office of the motel and waited until Davey had left. 

But his feet, it seemed were planted where they stood. As much as he hated the man, he could not allow himself to turn away. Davey had already won the battle and he would surely win the war, there was no point in fighting it. 

So he watched, terrified that Davey would turn about and find him there. Or worse, he wouldn't turn around at all.

* * *

Davey sighed. So he was in downtown area of what he had rightfully deemed hell, and he had no cash. He had a cell phone, he had impeccable makeup, but he had no stupid money. Running his fingers through his hair he tried to think of what to do. He hadn't found Hunter, he had probably managed to gain his feet blisters, he slept on a sidewalk, and as far as he knew his entire life had gone down the shitter because their bassist was gone. 

If he had thought the beginning of a new day could be no worse, he was promptly proven wrong as a very shiny SUV drove into a puddle and managed to splash gutter water all over his front. He stood there, palms up in the air, mouth wide with amazement and misery staring down at his now sopping front side. How could this be possible? This was his punishment for the slight against God. He sat down on the sidewalk, his head falling between his knees and he fought the urge to cry. 

Wasn't it enough that he had finally found love and he had abused the man who offered it so willingly? Apparently it wasn't. He wiped his eyes and came back with light purple eyeshadow and black eyeliner staining his fingers. Perfect, now his makeup was ruined. He might as well grab a bit more gutter water and "style" his hair. The master of fashion would be no better than some beggar on the street. If he hadn't been so stunned by everything he would have screamed from the agony of it all. 

Despite the tears flowing with greater amounts as the seconds passed, Davey smelled a familiar presence. The mix of Old Spice deodorant and cheap Christmas gift from grandma cologne. He perked up and stood. He knew that scent far too well to mistake it. There was only one man that possessed such a scent. He turned about and his tear filled brown eyes locked on the clear blue green eyes of the point for his new found love. 

"Hunter," he whispered, taking a tentative step forward. This is a terrible point for rejection. He could be hurt so badly here, but it didn't matter. All of this would have gone to waste if he kept his mouth shut and didn't let his heart spill to the floor in desperation to Hunter. He wanted him and he would do anything to get him back. 

The urge to laugh at the pathetic sight before him was not lost on Hunter. It would be a fitting release for the anger, humiliation and betrayal steadily building within him. Davey would deserve it too. Poetic justice at it's finest. 

He didn't say a word though. Barely moved. 

To say he froze when Davey's eyes fell on his would be an understatement. He could feel his heart pounding. His mind racing. Elation and anger tore through him. He was there yes, but for what reason. Hadn't he done enough. Hadn't he seen enough?

"Why are you here?" The words fell from his lips as he finally found his voice.

 

Davey almost squealed with glee at the sight of the bassist. Pushing back the mental note to tell Adam he did have a sense of direction later, he scurried forward. Keeping his head low he stopped merely inches from Hunter then looked him straight in the eyes.

"I'm here for you! I'm here to say sorry and ask you to come back!" Davey rushed his words, scared that if he didn't say them quickly he would over think it and never say it at all. He looked at Hunter taking in every feature. He had dark circles under his eyes, but they weren't too noticeable. His chiseled jaw was clenched tight, most likely in anger. He hadn't shaved this morning, the scruff being the indicating feature. Davey put his hand on Hunter's cheek and felt calm. 

"God, I'm so sorry Hunter. Please tell me you'll forgive me for everything I did to you," the singer whispered, laying his head on Hunter's firm chest. He could hear his heart beating and it soothed him from all the different waking nightmares that had plagued him since he had first set out to find the love of his life.

Hunter stared, too shocked and angered to move. The way Davey touched him sent shivers through him that he would much rather ignore. As far as he was concerned his body was a traitor and he would not give into it again. 

Stealing himself, Hunter stepped backwards, his body tensing. "Don't," he hissed, "Just don't." He didn't need this. Not now. He was so close to leaving this. 

Davey stared at him shocked. Hunter had pulled away from him? He felt as if his heart was breaking. Even during their worst fights Hunter had always allowed touching, had always forgiven him immediately. Why wasn't he doing that now? He had come for Hunter! Had searched all night for him and miraculously stumbled upon the exact motel he was staying at. There had to be a reason for it, it was a slim to none chance that he should have found Hunter. 

"Don't what? I came here for you! I walked around all night, I forgot my wallet, I can't let you leave. Hunter you mean so much more than I thought you did and honestly I'm surprised by that," Davey shook his head at his own admission. It was true though, over the past hours he had realized his desire for the bassist stemmed past a simple manipulation for whatever it was he wanted. He deeply cared for Hunter and he'd be damned if he would be pushed away now.

"I'm finished, David," he whispered coolly, "I'm finished giving you all of me and getting shit in return. I'm finished trusting you. A lot of fucking good that's done me. I've made that mistake once and I'm not doing that again. I refuse to make the same mistakes twice. I refuse."

He started at Davey, his body shaking. He was done being played a fool. Done with everything. All he wanted now was just to get to the airport, get on his plane and go home. This was professional suicide. He'd probably fucked himself royally, but that didn't matter to him now. He was free. He'd worry about the details later.

 

"If you don't want to make the same mistakes twice then don't walk away," Davey said evenly. Hunter didn't want him. He was being rejected and it was taking every ounce of will power to not break down in front of him and beg. What hurt most was that he had come here to give all of himself to Hunter. If he wasn't prepared to do that he never would have gone out in search of him.

Taking a deep breath Davey stepped forward and pressed his lips against Hunter's, placing a hand tentatively on his chest. This was what he had come to do the most. To kiss Hunter and let all the love and warmth pour into the bassist. All he wanted was for his love to kiss back, to wrap an arm around his waist and pull him closer. He waited anxiously, feeling his heart about to plummet so far down his body that it was about to shoot out from his foot into the core of the Earth.

He couldn't breathe. He could barely think. This was cruel. This was uncalled for. But the smaller, debasing side of himself reveled in it. Davey never made the move to initiate anything that passed between them. Never bothered to touch Hunter unless he was the one touched first. Unless he wanted something. 

Anger tore through him. "No!" he hissed, pushing Davey away. He couldn't stand to have the warmth of his body against him. Not when it didn't matter. "Haven't you done enough? Wasn't betraying my trust enough for you? Do you fucking have to take this from me too?!"

Hunter was surprised at the words coming from his own mouth. He'd never uttered such hateful words. Not to Davey. Not to anyone. But he needed this and he knew it. He needed to scream. Needed Davey to know he couldn't do this to people. That he couldn't fuck with someone's heart. 

"How did I betray your trust? Last I checked you're the one that walked out on my band without giving any one a fucking warning! I'm trying to show you I care but it's not enough for you. What do I have to do Hunter? Get on my god damn knees and beg you?" Davey glared at him turning his sorrow in to rage. This was the only way he knew how to deal with emotions. He changed it to anger to avoid being hurt. Yet despite his anger, despite his misery from being rejected, Davey knelt down before Hunter and clasped his hands together.

"Don't leave me, don't leave the band. I need you," Davey whispered, his voice starting to crack. He wasn't lying, he did need this. He needed Hunter. In the past months he had learned to depend solely on the bald man and no one else. Everything that mattered was given to him by Hunter, no one else. If he lost his friend, his crush, his only chance at what he felt was true love, then he would have no reason to go on.

"I trusted you. And you told them! You told every single one of them! I never thought you would be that cold, that cruel. I fucking trusted you, Havok. And I won't make that mistake again!" Hunter hissed. He hadn't been ready for them to know, hadn't been ready for anyone to know. 

How fucking DARE he try to turn all of this on him? Hunter dug his short nails into his palms, trying to calm himself. He never thought Davey would stoop so low. Never.

"You are a soulless monster, David. You don't have a fucking heart. And you wouldn't know what to do with one if you did!"

Davey stood there, jaw slack. Hunter had called him a heartless monster. Was he really that bad? Did other people think that of him? He gulped turning his gaze down to the ground so Hunter couldn't see the tears that were starting to form. 

"You're right Hunter. I came here to give you my heart, to try and prove how much I love you. It seems though, that since I don't have one I made the wrong decision," he trembled, forcing the words out. He couldn't breathe. Some unseen force was wrapping a hand around his neck and attempting to strangle him. He kissed Hunter on the cheek then stepped away. 

"I betrayed you, I'm the lowest form of savage to ever roam the Earth. Fine, I'll accept that. My only question is what about the band? We've worked too hard for you to throw it all away because of this. This is all I have left now, don't take that away from me too," he sobbed finally starting to let his feelings sound in his tone. He looked up at Hunter eyes streaming with tears stained black, but it didn't matter. His make up was already ruined no point fighting it.

"Stop it," he snapped again, "Just stop. You're good at this, Havok. But I guess I should have known that." He paused, calming himself enough to speak once more, "This band doesn't need me. I'm hired help, that's all I've ever been. You've gone through line up changes before. Once more won't make a bit of fucking difference to anyone."

"It will to me Hunter, and to the others. You were never hired help. You're our friend! Fuck you Hunter, stop being so god damn selfish. You think you're the only one hurt here? When have I ever put myself on the line, or even allowed myself to possibly be rejected. I may have betrayed you but I never rejected you," Davey growled. He glared at Hunter, wiping his tears away. If this was how it was going to be then he shouldn't bother wasting tears. If the band wasn't worth shit to Hunter, if he wasn't worth anything to the man, then he sure as fuck wouldn't allow Hunter to mean anything to him. 

"You think you're innocent in all this don't you? Do you really believe that giving every one all the material bullshit they want is going to make them stay friends with you? You give them nothing more than money when what they want is true friendship but what do you care about that? I may be a soulless monster but at least people know what I am. You put on an act better than I could ever do." He stood there staring defiantly at the man he loved and he couldn't stand himself for the words he had spewed. Yet someone needed to say it, someone needed to set the bassist in his place. Might as well be him.

"You don't know shit about me, Havok! So don't you fucking dare stand there and act like you do. And I'm leaving because I'd rather walk away from this band now while it still means the fucking world to me then stay here and grow to hate it. Cause that is what will happen." Hunter was seething, his green blue eyes burning as he glared down at the man before him.

"Because of me right? I'm the big bad singer that makes you miserable. Well guess what Hunter, you can go suck some guy off for all I care. Explore your sexuality, cry over the one that got away," Davey snapped stepping closer to the bassist so that their faces were barely centimeters apart.

 

"Know this though, you're making the same mistake twice. I hope you enjoy having that hang over your head for the rest of your life. Now I'll let you go, so you can go bitch and moan to someone else about what a prick I am. Sorry to have listened and cared." He stepped back, moving out of Hunter's path so the man could walk easily. Davey wanted nothing more than to drag him back to the tour bus and tape him to a bunk so he wouldn't be able to leave. It tore him apart to know that he couldn't do that.

"You really are an asshole," Hunter snapped back, livid that Davey dared to turn this all on him. "You think you're the best of the best, don't you? Davey Fucking Havok. Well guess what. you're nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. I honestly thought I cared about you. That I loved you. I was wrong, how could I love such a complete and utter snake. You think it makes you the better man, blaming this all on me? Well think again. I'm done. I'm leaving because I don't need to take this crap. Not from you. Not from anyone."

He locked his seething eyes with Davey's, daring the man to try him. To try and pin all of this on him one more time. It didn't matter that each word that flew from Davey's mouth scarred him. That deep down he knew that maybe Davey was right. Maybe he was nothing but a joke. But he would be damned if he said that aloud. He'd be damned if he ever let Davey in again. 

Davey shook his head, a mocking smile on his face. If he had it in him he would smack Hunter across the face so hard his head would spin. Problem was, he didn't. He cared for Hunter and not even the insults that he let loose would change that. What was he to do though? Everything had been made quite clear. He meant absolutely nothing to the man standing before him. He was nothing more than another mistake on the long list that Hunter was building over his years.

"If I mean nothing to you then why are you still standing here? There's no use in lying Hunter. You love me and you hate that more than anything else right now. But that doesn't change a damn thing. I've spent my entire life looking for the one person who could make me feel human, and you're that person," Davey said confidently. It was the most honest thing he had ever said in his entire life. Everyone else got pushed away because they made him feel as if he were a pretty mannequin that could walk and talk. Hunter didn't. He was the only one to ever make Davey feel like he mattered, and that was worth all the shit that was happening now.

He froze, why was he still standing there? The answer that echoed through his mind was far too painful to fully comprehend. He loved Davey and yet he hated everything he was. Everything he'd done. The bastard. 

Biting his lip to calm himself enough to speak, he dead panned, "I'm waiting for a cab. I'm not going to let you and your holier than thou attitude stop me. I don't need you telling ME how I feel. You don't know the first thing about me. I'd appreciate it if you saved your pity party for someone who gave damn. Why don't you just go crawling back to Jade. Lord knows he'd give you his undivided attention." 

 

As soon as the crass remark about Jade left his lips, he regretted it. The guitarist had been a good friend to him in the past. But he was angry, hurt. And he needed to lash out. Hunter also knew just how close Jade and Davey were. There was nothing remotely sexual between them, but it was certainly a vulnerable spot for the man.

Davey looked at him, finding not his friend but a stranger in his place. Hunter would never say such a thing, especially about a friend. Was he the reason that the bassist was acting like this? It hurt him to know that this was where he was sending there friendship. Straight down the shitter because he was being just as selfish as he accused Hunter of being. There was really only one thing he could do.

"Jade is your friend Hunter, don't insult him. He didn't do anything to you, I did. Look I'll leave you alone. I came here to say sorry and so far I haven't done a very good job of it. I want you to know, even though you hate me, I still love you. I can safely say nothing will change that." Davey stepped away and turned to face another direction. This was how things were going to end. He couldn't stop the inevitable. What he could do was walk away and not make Hunter hate him any more than he already did. No matter how much he wanted to run back, it was better this way.

"You don't know the first thing about love, so stop pretending you do. You're just pissed someone had the nerve to tell you no. By this time tomorrow, you'll have another hopefully twit you'll use to your black heart's content. And I pity them." His voice trembled slightly as he spoke and he cursed himself for it. 

The way Davey looked at him, unnerved Hunter. He wanted nothing more than to smack the sickening smirk right off his face. And lord, it had never been so tempting. Unease coiled within him. Why the fucking hell wasn't the cab here yet? He needed to get out. Needed to get away.

Why the fuck wouldn't Davey just leave. Why dud he insist on tormenting him. Pushing him. Telling him all the things he wanted to hear. The things he'd longed to hear since he joined the band. Things that until the past year, he never dared to let himself think on. _He just doesn't want to lose his convenient toy_ , Hunter thought darkly. _That's all you ever were to him. A toy. You gave him everything and you're still just a fucking toy_.

Davey turned back, startled by the venom in Hunter's voice. How could things have gone so terribly wrong? They were supposed to be friends, to have good times that gave them long lasting memories. You and your friends are never supposed to hate each other. Davey looked at his hands and noticed the friendship ring that Hunter had given him so many months ago. He remembered that Hunter thought he had lost it, but he never had. He had started wearing it as a necklace. Since the friendship was ending, it only made sense to give it back. He pulled it off his finger and held it out before Hunter.

"I never lost this, you thought I had but I didn't. You can have it back. Since I mean nothing to you, then me having this will mean nothing to you. You should give it to....give it to someone who you love and will be able to be a better person for you," Davey choked out. All he wanted was for Hunter to be happy. Even if it made him miserable. 

 

Hunter stared blankly at the ring Davey held before him. The ring he'd found at a flea market during his second tour of Europe with the band, one of two. The pair of rings weren't much to look at, but their simplicity had caught Hunter from the get go. He'd bought them without a second thought.

A few weeks later, he finally worked up the courage to offer one of the rings to Davey. A token of their friendship and bond as bandmates. He'd thought Davey had lost it months ago. He'd been wearing it the entire time? No, that didn't make sense. It didn't fit. He was lying, he had to be. Another underhanded trick. But this hurt far worse than any of the words he=d slung.

"You must really think I'm a complete idiot," he snapped, not bothering to touch the ring. He shoved his shaking hands in his pockets, he'd never wanted to beat the living hell out of a single person as badly as he did that very moment. 

"Why? What did I do now? My god, can I do nothing right? Look, if the ring doesn't mean shit to you any more, fine. I'll keep it because it means something to me. It's like...why do I bother? You don't care. Maybe you never cared and it was you trying to feel something again." Davey put the ring back on his ring finger as he said this. Maybe the ring did mean more to him than it meant to Hunter. Maybe it always had. Who knew? Only Hunter had any idea of what was going on in his own mind. 

Davey jumped when he felt his phone in his pocket vibrating. He pulled it out and looked at it. Nils. What did he care about Nils? Nothing, the boy was just another little lap dog who followed him around. With no second thought, he shoved the phone back in his pocket. Right now Hunter was what mattered, not some little pretty boy back in L.A.

"Well aren't you going to answer that? You wouldn't want to keep one of your play toys hanging." He couldn't believe the things he found himself uttering. He was never this callous, this cold. But he was angry. Yet again Davey stood dangling everything Hunter had ever wanted in his face. Tempting him with the one thing he knew he'd never possess. It was cruel and he was done with it.

His eyes were cold as he stared down the man before him. He couldn't force himself to look at the ring or where Davey had placed it. On his ring finger. Like a promise. A commitment. Something he now knew Davey could never do. Davey didn't love him. Davey never would love him. He was just a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less. Davey didn't want to lose his free affection and adoration. He was nothing. 

"No, I'm not going to answer that. There are things more important than toys," he said, looking Hunter straight in the eyes. Nils wasn't worth a minute of his time if Hunter's love was what he might possibly lose. What did he care if the little twenty something year old got his feelings hurt. He didn't matter. Hunter mattered, Hunter was everything in the world to him. 

 

Behind him he heard the sound of a car stopping. It was probably the taxi. It was too soon! Hunter couldn't have a chance to leave already. What in the world could he possible do to make the man stay? His thoughts raced around, tagging each other back and forth but seemingly no answer was available. 

"Hunter...I. Fuck please! Don't leave, I'll do whatever it takes to make you stay. Anything and everything. I screwed up, I degraded you horribly. And I am the biggest piece of shit to have ever existed. I don't deserve a minute of your time, but I'm here begging you. Please, don't leave." 

"No. I'm done. I've wasted enough of my life pining after something I should have known was a lie and I refuse to let you fuck with me anymore. I'm done." His words were clipped, cold. He pushed past Davey, back straight, forcing himself to only look ahead. He could do this, he had to do this.

He slowly climbed into the cab, pulling the door shut behind him. He didn't dare look back to see what Davey was doing. He couldn't let himself look back. He refused. That chapter of his life was done. Finished. He didn't need them, didn't need any of it anymore.

With a surprisingly steady voice, he told the cabbie to take him to the airport. All Hunter wanted now was to simply go home and forget. Forget how hurt and betrayed he felt. Forget what a fool he was. Forget AFI and just how much it had come to mean to him. Forget Davey. He just wanted to forget.

Davey stood perfectly still as he watched the cab pull away from the curb, drive down the street, then disappear around a corner. It took a minute for the fact that Hunter was in the cab to process in his mind. He would have run after it, but it would have been hopeless. He had tried his best to reason with Hunter. He had been willing to give away everything for the man, but his pleas were cast aside without thought. This, he realized, was what all those sappy love songs described. A broken heart.

He placed a hand over his chest absently to see if there was still beating. Yes, he could feel the familiar pounding of the pesky organ which represented that which it was not responsible for. Love had failed him greatly. Why hadn't his apologies worked? Hunter was not supposed to walk away. It was proven over and over again in the past that no matter how stupid he had acted his friend would always forgive him. So where was his forgiveness this time? Dropped along the roads of tours past? Or had he really gone too far this time? Gulping he began the long trudge back to the hotel with a location he could faintly recall.

* * *

The soft rumble of the engine seemed deafening as they pulled farther away from the motel. From Davey. From the life he'd built for himself. He sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back against the seat. It was a welcome distraction from his thoughts. Anything was at this point in time.

* * *

Davey rushed down the street, not to the point of running but going fast enough that his surroundings were starting to blur. Then again, that could have been due to the tears streaking down his face. Vaguely he could remember the way back to the hotel where the band was staying at. By now the others had probably woken up to find both him and Hunter missing. Chances are they were at the very least concerned about Hunter's absence. 

Twelve blocks of mindless fast pace walking brought him back to the front of the hotel. He saw Adam leisurely standing in front of the tour bus with their beloved tour manager. Both looked mildly concerned but not too worried. Davey huffed, marching up to them not caring that he probably looked like hell with his smeared make up, fly away hair, and smelling horribly of sweat. 

Adam looked over when he heard the pounding of shoes on the pavement. His eyebrows raised in surprise at the sight of the disheveled singer. It wasn't often you would see Davey looking anything less than immaculate. His will power to not laugh was running low with each step that his grungy friend took towards him. 

"Don't look at me like that!" Davey snapped angered. He stopped in front of the two men and glared at both in turn. Smith was laughing openly while Adam was obviously fighting it. He didn't care. They should have acted more concerned and because they hadn't his anger burned even more. 

"What's wrong with you, Havok?" Adam started, noting that something was indeed quite wrong with the man standing before him. Not just physically. Davey's entire demeanor had changed. He seemed afraid. Broken. Something Adam hadn't seen in his friend in years. 

Davey stared back at the drummer incredulously. Had he not noticed? Had no one noticed yet that the best man in the entire Earth had departed from their quartet? A sick sense of glee spread through him. At least he wasn't the only one who had always taken Hunter for granted. Apparently Adam and Smith did as well. Chances are Jade would be the same way not having realized that the bassist was missing.

"I'll tell you what's wrong drummer boy. Hunter fucking left. He's gone. Not coming back. He quit on us. Glad to see you noticed. By the way, thanks for roaming the streets with me last night in search of him. It was good to have someone to sleep in the gutter with me. No...wait, you weren't there were you? Bastard!" Davey screeched, all his previous despair from the situation returning tenfold. 

"Hunter's what?" Adam stumbled out, his eyes widening. He knew Hunter was upset, knew things between him and Davey had gotten wildly out of hand, but he never dreamed Hunter would just LEAVE. Hunter never quit. He was always the one pushing them on, encouraging them to try this or to do that. He wouldn't just abandon the band. Not when Adam knew just how much it meant to the bassist.

 

Smith gaped at Davey in much the same manner. Hunter...Gone. It simply didn't make sense. "You're kidding, Dave...Right?" he asked, though he knew the panic and hopelessness in the singer's eyes was genuine. The first genuine emotion he'd seen in them in years.

"No I'm not fucking kidding Smith! Hunter left, he took everything with him. He took the hope for the band, he took his talent, he took my fucking everything. And he doesn't care!" Davey screamed louder, fearing that if he didn't stop screaming he would start crying. There was no escaping the feeling though. No matter what he saw or heard or even thought, it all somehow directly led him back to Hunter. He felt hatred rushing through him as he saw Jade ambling out of the hotel. Another bumbling idiot who hadn't been there to help him try and convince Hunter to stay.

Jade smiled lazily as he walked closer to his friends, not taking notice of their obviously distraught state. As he stopped before them he finally allowed the sight to take root in his mind. Adam was staring helplessly at Smith, his brother was holding a hand over his eyes in despair, and Davey...Davey had the strangest of all expressions. The singer was looking positively manic.

"Hey guys, um...where's the funeral?" He joked, hoping to ease the chaotic mood of misery that was obviously gripping his group of friends. The lack of Hunter added all the more to his deep rooted fear for what could possibly be wrong. 

"Hunter's gone," Adam voiced softly.

Confusion spread across Jade's face, "Gone? He's coming back, right? I mean we have a show in 10 hours. He has to be coming back."

Smith looked at Davey expectantly. Deep in his heart he knew that Hunter was officially gone, that it was far too late to bring him back. Even with that knowledge he could help the overwhelming hope that the singer would tell him this was all a joke. That Hunter would of course come back. It was when Davey's eyes connected with his that the hope burned out. Hunter wasn't coming back and for the first time in years he could see that Davey felt guilty. 

"No, he's not coming back," Davey gulped. He couldn't scream anymore. It wasn't helping, if anything it was harming more. His throat was feeling raw. Possibly from his effort to beat back the tears or from his screams. Part of him felt that it was a mix of both. He sat down on the dirty asphalt of the hotel parking lot, pulled his knees to his chest as best he could, and laid his head between them sobbing. "He's never coming back and it's all my fault," he whispered.


End file.
